AceAwareness

Asexuality means not having sexual attraction aka we don't see anybody in a sexual way. Not to be confused with aromantic, which is not having romantic crushes on anybody. The two may or may not go hand in hand. Asexuals may still date. Asexuals may still have sex. We just don't see sex with others the same way that the average person does. We don't have natural urges towards others but we may engage in sex for various reasons, including to satisfy a nonsexual partner, to have kids, etc. We may still call ourselves as straight, gay, bi, etc and this is because of the possibility of how our romantic orientation might be. Some may consider themselves LGBT+ and some may not. Either way is valid.

Celibacy on the other hand means refusing to having relationships and sex despite orientation. Celibates may still be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc but don't act upon these urges for one reason or another. This could be due to a religious reason, emotional trauma, or any other reason. Asexuals may still be celibate since celibacy doesn't take orientation into consideration.

What kind of person an asexual is widely varies and it is wise to not assume all asexuals are one way or are all the same.

Sorry for my spotty activity ^-^' Hopefully I'll be relatively active for awhile. Anyhoo, here's a quick reminder that asexuality awareness week is coming up for 2016. Here are the dates for that:

October 23-29 next month
And I believe Ace Day has been changed from May 8 to November 26, starting last year

I plan on coming out on Facebook to the friends I've added who have known me in real life as well as the few I met online. Fingers crossed it goes well!

As an ace it is infuriating seeing stuff like "oh you don't exist", "so you're what a plant?" "Aww how cute! You'll grow out of it someday". But it's important not to snap at these comments or make snide remarks. Because if we snap out with hints of rudeness in our comments, the other party will feel like the victim then complain to others how aces are mean people who don't deserve respect. I will admit that fighting back with an equally offensive retort is first nature. It's best however to stop, take a deep breath, then explain calmly and with respect your stance, why asexuality is real, that we aren't some naive children, etc. That way, the offender can remain the offender and we won't have any guilt behind us. We'll appear more credible to outside parties who may read these comments and the offender will be seen as the immature one. To the other party who are genuinely curious about it, if any aces want to lash out I highly recommend not doing this. The other party is simply curious about a concept that's never been heard about before to them and it's our duty to inform politely to gain respect for our group. To those who already do this, this of course does not apply

Because of how rare and unheard of our group is, if the average person meets one asexual in real life, it's likely that will be one of the very few asexuals ever met in an entire lifetime right now. This will make a lasting impression about us to that person. If we lash out at others for being curious, others will believe that all aces are like this and it will hurt our growing community

So bottom line is it's important to be respectful of everyone asking about us, no matter if it's innocent curiosity or rabid hate. Try to maintain self control and focus on maintaining peace. If you're offended and/or the other person won't stop badgering, just stop replying and back away for awhile or forever. Respect is a very important quality to have during disagreements

Share your coming out stories!

My biggest experience coming out was with my boyfriend back in like October last year. I figured I owed him truth on why I wasn't as interested in *that* as he is. It happened during a break in the relationship so if he didn't accept me as his date then it wouldn't be like anything would change. On Monday evening I had wanted to tell him in person but I couldn't manage to bring myself to do it. So I decided to kik message him the next day while he was in class. I sent him the message "I think I'm asexual". At first he didn't get it so I had to explain a few times and even sent him a link to Swankivy's overview video from YouTube. He kinda got it. We've been back as a couple since this January but I still don't think he fully gets what it means to be asexual. He still tries to get me into... stuff... but I'm not as timid about it as I was before. I still don't get the fuss about it but I'm able to tolerate it to an extent.

That coming out story was... interesting. Definitely nerve wracking just all of a sudden telling him this. And it seemed strange at first that I'm coming out. I never would've thought that I, who I had thought was straight before, would have to come out. Since I've always heard that term with homosexuality but never any other sexualities before. But since then I've become comfortable with my identity and am even slightly out with coworkers too. They don't seem to mind or ridicule me. The only people I'd never tell is my family.

There isn't just asexuals and allosexuals (the standard sexualities, i.e. heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc.). There's a gray area in between that varies depending on each individual person. It can range in frequency from having very little sexual attraction towards others, perhaps as rare as once in a lifetime,  to only occasionally but not appearing typical to allosexuals. And it can range in intensity from such little attraction that it's easy to ignore to having sexual attraction near normal but having no desire to act on it (which can be a symptom of a medical condition-if it is unusual to the individual it would be wise to have it checked out).

Demisexuals belong to the gray area too. It's a specific type of gray asexuality characterized by an inability to form sexual attraction towards someone until a certain emotional bond has been reached. This bond varies per demisexual and can be platonic or romantic. Many argue that demisexuals are just the common allosexual who are not willing to act on those attractions for awhile. But the common allosexual can easily feel sexual attraction to the respective gender no matter the bond level. However, the demisexual is completely unable to feel said attraction until closeness has been established, perhaps even years of knowing the other person. Often this attraction may not even happen no matter the bond level; emotional closeness is just a prerequisite. The demisexual feels asexual in day to day life so is clearly not allosexual since these people share many similarities to the typical asexual person.

The aven triangle is a good representation of asexuals, allosexuals, and everyone in between. The bottom point of the triangle represents asexuals-those who are incapable of feeling sexual attraction. The flat top portion represents the basic allosexuals-hetero, homo, and bi. Colored into the triangle is a gradient of gray to represent all shades of those who are part of the in between region.

The gray area's names may also have the standard sexualities tacked on, such as gray-heterosexual or demi-homosexual. The gray area can also apply to romantic orientation such as gray-romantic and demiromantic.